In this Hell, I adapted. I’d learned to lie. I’d learned to fake social skills, pretend interest; I’d learned how to survive, not live. I worked out daily hoping the endorphins would assuage my soul. They didn’t - gone before I left the gym. I kept up appearances, maintained the same very short beard Addison had so liked.I’d discovered McEwan’s, a gourmet food shop in Don Mills and, like now, I browsed for premade meals, not that interested, not that hungry. Food was fuel, nothing more.Since her passing four years ago, I’d hired a house cleaning service to do that which I found impossible - to care. The house, garden, and pool were in fine shape, tended by others. Like a veneer, it showed the world I was fine. I wasn’t. I’d never be fine again.A pleasant server at McEwan’s looked at me and smiled. “Can I get you anything?”I pointed at the barbecued salmon. “That, and some rice, please.”From behind me, a voice: “Mr. Roth?”When I turned, I saw a tall, elegant woman, her dark mahogany. Her husband had encouraged her to find a boyfriend to satisfy her needs and only asked that she not tell him anything about him or what they would do, but to come home every night to him. He went on to tell me about how they would meet for nooners or after work drinks that always ended up with them in her back seat in some dark parking lot, fogging up the windows. I asked him what she looked like and he described a woman with large breasts, c***d bearing hips, shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes and long painted fingernails. (now I know where the scratch marks came from) He told me a couple of times he’d sneak out of work early and they’d meet at some motel and fuck for what seemed like hours. I started getting really wet imagining my husband pleasing another man’s wife with his permission and stroked my husband even harder and faster, asking him to please tell me more. And he didn’t disappoint me as he went on to tell me how he would fuck her tits and cum in her mouth as she’d.
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